My rationale for this series is that if I want to become a prolific writer but mostly don’t ever feel like writing, I can take advantage of the fact that pictures are worth a thousand words.
Last week, after implying in “The Waiting Game” my intention to henceforth break format and stop scrounging for blog material, I tasked myself with documenting a couple mildly amusing/ironic everyday occurrences. It was meant to just be a starting point so that I could figure out where to go from there, but, in the space of one week, my effort rapidly devolved into a montage of the universe just throwing things at me.
Gallery of Moments That Triggered Me to Reevaluate My Life
All titles courtesy of the first Google result for “pretentious art title generator.”
Title: “Conversation with Repulsive Hope”
Context: My feet were cold, which drove me to transcend socks and sandals and reach the next level of socks and flip flops.
Artist’s Statement: College aesthetic.
Title: “Restricted Ode to Cosmic Feeling”
Context: Part 3 of the Roommate Saga, in which Nicole, my roommate, put glass bottles of mineral water in the freezer and the water obviously expanded and I didn’t check the fridge until the third explosion. The first two rang as loud as gunshots exactly one foot away from me. You’d think I would’ve at least checked out of some buried sense of self-preservation, but I told myself “maybe the shelf fell down” and “it’s the sound of my mind combusting from this reading” so I wouldn’t have to get up from my chair. Which is more than a little alarming.
(Also, later, Nicole tried to let it all thaw out and the water began dripping onto my power cord on the floor. She shut the fridge, and now I guess the abstract expressionism is here to stay until the semester ends in four months.)
Artist’s Statement: This is the only remotely artistic piece in this series. Coincidentally, it’s the one I had the least to do with.
Title: “Virgin Desecrating an Umbrella”
Context: Reading this for Literature and Biology.
Artist’s Statement: You know you’re doing something wrong when your book is having a better time than you are…
Title: “Boiled Disgust” (random, I swear)
Context: I woke up early enough, for the first time this year, to eat breakfast in the nearby dining hall and got so excited I grabbed twice as much food as I could eat and stuffed it all into my backpack and promptly forgot for five hours.
Artist’s Statement: It brings me joy to know that someone out there developed an 8MP pixel count for the iPhone 5 so that I could take a quality picture of a squished hard-boiled egg.
Title: “Illumination & Logic”
Context: Thursday, one of my business professors, during his lecture, declared—perhaps for shock value—that if we wanted to conduct business morally, ethically, and fairly, we should go to the School of Social Work.
As we burst into uneasy laughter, I glanced across my desk to the back of my nametag, on which was inscribed our school’s official slogan, “Ethics is Our Business.”
Artistic Statement: This piece belongs in the dictionary, next to “irony.”
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