I could tell you that the reason for my one month absence is that nothing eventful has happened since I last posted, but that would be a lie. The real reason’s a lot dumber.
See, this site is called Nicole Sundays. Therefore, it only makes sense that I post on Sundays. Except nothing interesting ever happens on Sundays—things only really happen during the week, when I’m too brain-dead to flesh out anything in a post. So in order to justify weaseling my way out of responsibility, I reason that “I can’t post until Sunday anyway, so I might as well just write it then.” I then proceed to vegetate in front of my laptop, spiraling into an all-consuming vortex of freaky Youtube videos and interminable junk food. (Procrastination is an ART, my friends.)
Sunday, of course, I forget.
Repeat 3x, and there’s my excuse for this week. It’ll probably also be my excuse for the foreseeable future, too, so just copy/paste this in front of all the late entries I’ll post. That way, I don’t get too repetitive.
SPEAKING OF REPETITIVE (I apologize for the terrible segue–it was the best my unimaginative self could come up with), that reminds me of what I’d actually intended to discuss in this post, which is, as usual, completely unrelated to everything I’ve written so far.
Pleasantries. You know, that implicit formula you’re supposed to follow when you encounter someone you’re not close to but you know well enough for it to be rude if you just ignore him? Since that sentence barely made any sense to me, I’ve reproduced the scenario below for clarity.
Less-than-a-friend-but-more-than-an-acquaintance: How are you?
Me: I’m good. How are you?
LTFMTA: … Good, thank you.
Why is small talk a social necessity?? It’s a total waste of air. After this meaningless exchange of words, LTFMTA has gained nothing. I have gained nothing. Except maybe a growing sense of discomfort as I realize I don’t know what comes after.
How the “Conversation” Could Have Gone
LTFMTA: Did you know that M&M’s stands for “Mars and Murries,” the last names of the founders?
Me: Wow! A piece of trivia that I will probably never use in the long run but is still infinitely more enriching than any pleasantry!
Unfortunately, this never happens. Instead, we just run through a series of predictable questions and answers so we can feel polite and social. I mean, small talk is meant to be light, fun conversation that doesn’t cover anything important. So say anything besides “I’m good” or “I’m fine” and the other person might not even know how to respond. An authentic conversation? He didn’t sign up for that.
A Future “Conversation”
LTFMTA: How are you?
Me: *coughing up blood* Is that a pleasantry or an actual “what is happening to you should I call 911?” because I really can’t tell if you use it all the—
LTFMTA: … Good, thank you.