Why I’m Here

Well, summer’s ending. I had to find a way to continue procrastinating on work that should have been completed months ago. That’s why.

–Warning: if you’re allergic to serious things, you should probably skip the rest of this entry. I promise the next one’ll be less so.–

I had a blog a long time ago, but I deleted it because a) no one, for some unimaginable reason, seemed too interested in the quality thoughts and family vacation photos of a ten-year-old, b) I often forgot to post, and c) I aimed to please.

That’s been the defining theme of my life, aiming to please. Not in a good way. I’m not implying that I unselfishly live to fulfill the desires of other people. What I really mean is that I frequently find myself anticipating others’ reactions and tailoring my speech/actions to elicit approval. Basically, I often try to suppress my opinions, impress other people, and be forever diplomatic. (“Diplomatic” might not be the right word because of its positive connotation, but, as you’ll find, my vocabulary shrivels up when it’s put on the spot. Kind of like me.)

Buuut back to the people-pleasing. This year, I delved further into social media by joining Tumblr, then Twitter, then Youtube. The real reason for my site-hopping is something that, for a while, I refused to admit to myself: I wanted to be Internet famous. Or if not famous, have a considerable following. Only problem was, although they’ll probably deny this, just about everyone else was thirsty for attention, too.

So I entered a bunch of mutual follows, did promotions, tried to fit in (I forwent all capitalization and punctuation during my time on Tumblr because that was how everyone else typed. Make fun of me all you want–I’ve come to terms with it.), and wasted a considerable portion of my life. I did get a moderate amount of followers and views for my troubles, but there really was no point to them, as they weren’t really for me. After a couple months on each site with no sign of extraordinary viral success and miraculous confetti rain, I’d try my luck elsewhere.

I’m starting a new chapter (wow, even I cringed at that) with this new blog. Frankly, I’m tired of caring so much about what other people think. I want to post content I actually like. If people happen to enjoy it, great. If they don’t, I won’t eat my feelings away with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s while desperately looking for more TV shows to binge-watch. Not like, uh, I do that normally. Anyway, I hope that this time around, it’ll be much more gratifying.

I also hope that this is the last site I join, because honestly, I’m not hip enough to juggle so many social media accounts.

2 thoughts on “Why I’m Here

  1. I’m loving the candidness and wit! Yes, you’re definitely saying what a lot of people would never admit on public. For what it’s worth, I’m a fellow people-pleaser (hello!) who likes attention more than I should 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Something else I should learn to come to terms with: my past, even more cringeworthy self. “If you’re allergic to serious things…” Really, 2014 Nicole, really??
      I’d almost forgotten about my first post–thanks for the memory trip!


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